Comfort Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

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Most likely your natural tendency is to sidestep uncomfortable emotions, painful physical sensations, cognitive challenges and/or social exertion. But those discomforts are often signals that you’re pushing yourself into areas of positive growth with a level of intensity that will lead to actual progress.

In endurance sports this discomfort is called suffering. Some of that suffering comes from the physical pain that your body generates as you approach the limits of your current capability. As you strain, your muscles generate waste and collect minor tears. After your effort is completed, the tears will signal the healing forces to rebuild with additional capacity to avoid future tears.

We now understand that some—or perhaps much—of the pain sensation is also generated by the fail-safe concerns of our brain. It senses that, if we continue to do what we’re doing, we risk exceeding our body’s abilities to intake oxygen, deliver fuel, and clear out waste materials. The pain sensation is an alert that we should shut off our effort to preserve crucial blood flow to our brains. The problem is that this warning comes earlier than necessary and, if we heed it too soon, it inhibits us from our highest level of effort and eventually diminishes our maximum performance.

In non-physical areas, your brain also protects you from danger with early and overblown warnings about threats. It flashes discomfort and pain signals when there are opportunities for growth. For instance, when there is a possibility that you will need to give up an established pattern of behavior in order to make a change or challenge your comfort zone.
Each time you strive to stop an old habit or start a new one, you will likely come face to face with some level of discomfort—some minor “tear” in your routine. In order to change you will need to ignore the easy path of following your old habit and push against your discomfort. You may need to welcome the experience of social embarrassment and confront someone, push against the call of a sweet treat in order to change your eating habits, get to a gym class when you’re feeling hollow and lethargic, or resist the pull of something more entertaining when you should be exercising or working on a project.
How much discomfort are you willing to push through? If the answer is none, then you aren’t likely to change. Just a little bit? You may make a bit of progress. A few brave souls will answer in the affirmative when they ask themselves, “Am I willing to suffer for a significant increase in my performance?”
Choosing to suffer isn’t complex or difficult, but it also isn’t easy. And we are not suggesting that there is any significant value in suffering for suffering sake. Given that you will face feelings of discomfort many times a day, and will on occasion suffer, you should know that you will suffer less if you welcome discomfort as a necessary ingredient in improving your performance.
There is suffering that leads to no valuable end. There is suffering that we might wish to avoid, but which leads to healing. And there is suffering that is simply the best pathway to enhanced performance. Avoid that discomfort and you will keep doing what you have always done. Embrace it and you will dare to push yourself enough to cause your body, emotions or mind to gain increased capacity.
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In growing your business, a healthier life, or deeper relationships you will benefit from having effective strategies to help you deal with discomfort and gain the maximum value from any investment you make in suffering. Don’t suffer needlessly. But also don’t avoid opportunities to grow and feel significant satisfaction and benefits from your efforts. We can help you invest your energy wisely.

How the Best Leaders Listen and Respond

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I want to share two skills that are simple but take practice. We teach these to our clients to help them accomplish more and have fewer stressful debates with their team, clients—and even family members. If you are seeking more productivity, higher morale and more straightforward interactions, then give these a try.

When someone makes a statement that we disagree with, the most common response is to either ignore what they said or respond with all the reasons we don’t agree. There is a better way. Let me use an example I dealt with last month to illustrate what didn’t go well:

During a particularly hectic time at the company, Dave, the HR manager told John, his supervisor and our client—“We need to meet for 10-15 minutes each morning for the next couple of weeks to discuss the specific hires you’re looking for and possible ways to deal with the two employees who are under-performing.

John retorted, “No way! I can’t meet every day! I just don’t have the time.”

When John asked me for ideas about how to handle it better, I asked what he objected to. He said, “It’s ridiculous to think Dave and I can or need to meet every day.”

I asked what, if anything that Dave said that he had agreed with. He thought for a moment and said, “It makes sense that Dave understands the kind of person and attributes I’m looking for in the new employees.” He concurred that he wanted to have major input on how to document the under-performing employees because they probably would need to be terminated.

Suggestion 1:

If you agree, say so. Acknowledge the places of agreement.
If John wanted to change Dave’s suggestion and also give him credit for suggesting a solution instead of just waiting for a problem to develop, John could have said, “I agree that it would be a good idea for us to talk about the new hires and the documentation process.”

You don’t need to agree with everything said.  Team members will be encouraged to develop critical thinking skills by even partial agreement. So say out loud what you agree with.

Suggestion 2:

If you feel something was left out or needs to be altered, state your agreements first and then add to their thinking—build on their idea.

“I agree that it makes sense for us to meet; we need to talk about the new hires and what to do about the team members who are not performing. Because time is crunched, let’s meet twice next week and then evaluate where we are.”

By finding something to agree with you defuse a lot of the debates that start around people defending their suggestions. If you can limit the defensiveness and the debate time, you keep things moving. You’ll be surprised how often the points you disagreed with get dropped and everybody’s happy.

Close: What you do-and say-matters.  If you want your team to run more smoothly, think for themselves and make good decisions, consider calling or emailing us for ways to tweak your communication. Small changes can make a big difference—with team members, clients, and partners.  And, as one of my clients who keeps building skills – and seeing better results – reminds me, “It just feels better.”

Is Your Life Working Well?

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We think about Return on Investment (ROI) only in the context of money and profit, but I want to encourage you to consider investing time to assure your future will generate the happiness you want.  Is your life working for you?  Could it use a small tweak to work optimally, or does it need more? I want to touch on some things to think about when you are considering a transition. Read on!

I’ve discussed transitions, one of my favorite topics, in previous posts. The question of what you’re going to do in the next phase of your life trips many people up. We often assume we know what will make us happy, but discover almost too late that happiness is still elusive.

Research and experience show that happiness comes to each of us in a number of flavors, some of which melt rather quickly. It may help to consider what flavor or level of happiness you want to put your effort into pursuing. You have options whether you’re looking at a career change, thinking of adding an avocation or hobby, or searching for a complete makeover.

Positive psychologists—those professionals who look at strengths and successes—talk about three phases of happiness: pleasure, engagement (or flow), and meaning.

Pleasure

This is the simply feeling good part of happiness—going to the beach, taking a trip, trying a new restaurant, buying a new piece of clothing or car, watching the sunset, and so on. If you are working really hard now and contemplating cutting back, time for more of those pleasure moments may be enough— a chance to relax and take a break from any responsibilities.

Engagement

To many people’s surprise, even really great pleasure of the first kind gets old after a while. Boredom, restlessness, or loneliness usually begins to creep in. That’s when you may realize you need the second level of happiness, engagement—something you can sink your teeth into a bit. Maybe study the piano, plan a garden, join a Makers group, start playing golf again, pick up a hobby, study a language—i.e. engagement with other people or activities that are personally interesting, or that matter to you.

Meaning

Some of us will get hungry for something even bigger—creating a legacy or just wanting to give back. This can happen throughout our lives; for some of us, the need increases as we cut back our money making activities. We want to give back—to offer our talents, services, energy to those who can use it. We seek meaning— a feeling of having a larger purpose and contributing something to others and to society.

Any transition is likely to be more satisfying if you’ve set your sights on the level of happiness that will give you the type of pleasure you’re looking for. Here are a few steps to play with to get you started:

Think about how to create possibilities for yourself

If you know what you want, think about ways to get support to begin creating it.

If you’re feeling restless to make a change, but don’t know what direction to go in, try something. Try and then adjust as you learn. It’s better than standing still in frustration or confusion.

Research is one form of action—get online, interview people who are doing “it,” read books about transition or happiness, ask a coach.

Plan a goal and some details

Whether you’re still working, working part time or almost retired, plan! We often can’t wait to get “there.” But once we reach our goal, we face a blank slate and a “What now?” vacuum that is very uncomfortable. Begin to plan some of the details now.

Think about how to make your life richer and more resilient with a diversified life portfolio—different areas of happiness so that one or more will continue to be viable and interesting. What would a satisfying day to day life look like? Would it have social connections, exercise, learning opportunities, giving to the community and family? What else?

Either way, please take the time to make the changes that will make a big difference in your life—at work and at home.

Lately so many clients have been looking for assistance with a transition in their lives that I want to announce that I will be facilitating a group on making a transition in your life. My “What’s Next” group will help you think more clearly about the what, when and how of making a major transition in your work or personal life.

Successful Transitions

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The transition from an old to a new process or system, from a previous manager or key employee to a new hire, or any other change is tough. Understanding more about how to manage the process will make it all go a bit easier. With the right information you can make a difference between a successful transition and one that just doesn’t work well. This post highlights some aspects of change based on “The Transition Model,” by change expert William Bridges, whom I had the pleasure and opportunity to study with. Besides reviewing this article, you might also find it helpful to watch Change expert Naomi Karten and me discuss change and transition.  Coping with Chaos: Change and Transition

Even a positive change like a new piece of equipment can make people feel uncomfortable. The most common reaction to change is to second-guess it, or even resist or oppose it. By understanding why your team is dragging their feet or expressing reluctance, you will be in a better position to help them accept and ultimately support the change that is coming.

William Bridges distinguishes between changes—something that happens to us by our own choice or is thrust on us—and transitions—the process that happens in our minds and feelings as we go through a change.

Change can occur quickly, in a moment in time—the day we got a promotion; signing the closing papers on a home; buying the business; hiring a new office manager. But the internal transition is usually slower. It simply takes time to get used to a change.

There is a tendency to go through three stages as we move through a transition:

1. The Ending—things as we know them have changed.
2. The Neutral Zone—an often messy time sort of muddling about before moving on.
3. A New Beginning—a new status quo develops as the change is consolidated.

People move through transitions at different paces. Entrepreneurs may jump from an old to new business adjustment much more quickly than their employees or team members. Some people will need to linger in the Neutral Zone while trying to understand or accept a difficult feeling change.

Here are some ideas about how to help make a transition more efficient and comfortable so your team can execute as quickly as possible:

Endings

•Slow down the process in order to speed up the process. Invest the time now to eliminate future problems.
•Be open and transparent about what’s going to happen.
•Emphasize what will stay the same—values, schedules or whatever.
•Accept that there will be resistance. Listen to peoples’ feelings. Listen to concerns. Listen to fears. There will be denial, anger, sadness, disorientation, loss of identity, frustration, and uncertainty. Listen well.
•Be clear about how you will help them adjust. Offer training and resources they may need, which you’ll discover because you were listening!

The Neutral Zone

•The way you help your team prepare for the coming change will determine how long people may muddle about before getting on with the new change.
•Expect some people to feel overloaded and uncertain or confused. Others will feel impatient. It takes time to adjust to a new management system or style.
•The leader who pays attention can often find ways to offer support that will keep the process moving.

The New Beginning
You know you’ve arrived at a stage of acceptance and renewed energy when people begin to embrace the change. They start to see their efforts pay off and to feel more comfortable. Don’t let down now. You need to help your team sustain their energy and enthusiasm.

•Help people see how their personal goals connect to your long-term vision and objectives.
•Be certain everyone hears how team members implement the change successfully.
•Acknowledge peoples’ grit and persistence.

This is the quick executive summary but implementing any piece will likely help make the transition go more smoothly.

If you are about to implement some change, anything from hiring a new key team member to changing some part of your system, let us help you strategize how to more effectively implement the change. We can even come in to help your team see their way through it. If you’ve currently stalled, call or email us and we’ll show you how to get moving again.

Questions Can Lead You Out of the Fog

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A business loss or misstep can either drag down team morale or lead to creative new approaches. The difference is often in how you manage the initial reaction to loss. Do you start guessing at the possible reasons and end up preferring the ones that find fault in either the potential client or your team?

Research shows that there is a better chance of improving your performance if you truly understand what failed and then quickly transition to focusing on what you will do differently next time. But in the emotional disappointment of the loss it can be hard to formulate questions that dig into the truth and then spur creative thinking.

Here are a few of the questions we’ve helped our clients fashion. Notice that each tries to encourage a look past obvious conclusions. Any one might lead you to a new insight or perhaps asking a few that are fractionally different from each other will uncover a nuance that is important.

  • What caused this client to not choose us? Or what did the other company offer that we didn’t? Don’t accept the first few reasons until you’ve looked at a range of possible explanations.
  • What did we allow to slide that might have made a difference? Where did we show a lack of commitment? What might have happened that we simply gave less than was required?
  • What would we do differently in a similar situation next time? Start from the positive future moves you might try.
  • Did we identify the potential risk points ahead of time? Did we fool ourselves about a crucial aspect?
  • What can we learn from our tendency to spend time affixing blame to the potential client or ourselves? Blame is different from discovering what went wrong and quickly switching to how to improve.

The wording of the questions is important and the attitude with which you ask them is crucial. Any blame or hostility will anchor the conversation in the past. You want to focus on how to move forward. You want to encourage both yourself and your team. False praise or phony affirmations just make things worse. The key is to keep people’s attention on the changes, the improvements.

This postmortem, aka After Action Review, should be short and end with the expectation that people are able to move forward, to be ready and eager for another shot at the next opportunity. But even here be thoughtful—it’s better to ask the team if they’re ready than to tell them.

If you want greater performance, higher morale and more creative approaches, we can help. Whether you’re looking to craft the “right” questions, think through how to help your team learn from their mistakes, or gain additional insights, give us a call or email.

Oops. Maybe we should start that again! Are you ready to make a change? Is there a way we can be of help as you look ahead?

Getting Started

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Clients are always identifying motivation as a central problem in changing their behavior and instituting new habits. But what is motivation? How do you develop additional motivation? A simple place to begin is with the notion of getting started.

Think of motivation as what’s needed to push against resistance and create momentum. What are your options to generate motion?

  • Lower your resistance
  • Increase your motivation
    • Know your desired outcome
    • Find your personal purpose
    • Feel loyalty to the team, patients, clients
  • Both lower resistance and increase motivation
  • Or, just take a first small action step that requires less motivation and presents less resistance, and creates activity.

With our clients we encourage simple answers that lead to the easiest solutions possible. Just taking a simple action step is often that solution. When I don’t feel like getting on my bicycle for a training session I don’t struggle to find motivation – I just put on my workout clothes. That step pushes past a chunk of the resistance – I’m already dressed – and kindles a bit more motivation – do I want to get undressed after getting this far?

If I’m still struggling, I start again and just pump up my bike tires. Now there is less standing in my way of getting on and riding, and more pull to make use of the clothes and tire pressure – just getting on and getting started is easier.

Figuring out where to start on a list of tasks is similar. Just do the simplest one. It creates momentum and as we learned in science class, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Be careful not to get caught in too much figuring out how to conserve energy, be most efficient, or organize the work before getting started.

Outline the project – in motion. Set a date and time to get started – step one accomplished. Write a brief summary of the paper – you no longer have a blank screen. List in bullet points some attributes of the employee you need to evaluate – step two will seem easier.

You’ve heard or read us talking about this before? We find that even when people intellectually know what they need to do, they often have no system to cut through the resistance and remind themselves. So this is another reminder – just do the equivalent of standing up and taking a small step. Remind yourself that you don’t need to feel motivated; you just need to take a small step and create a bit of momentum. If that isn’t quite enough, take another small step. Soon you will either have a bit of forward momentum or you will be finished with the task or project – either works.

Steps toward motivation are simple to understand, but they are hard to implement. Having support and an experienced problem solver in your corner can make the difference between just wishing and actually accomplishing. Szifra Birke and Jay Livingston understand people and will partner with you to help you get started and keep momentum going so you get things done. Contact us.

 

Small Changes Lead to Big Results

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Many of us want to change a habit. We want to lose weight, procrastinate less, stop smoking, exercise more, be more disciplined about our spending, get less irritated with people, and so on.

Instead of tackling a new change head on, you can start to exercise your self-discipline muscle in small, consistent ways that don’t seem obvious. For example, if I’m trying to get myself to spend less money, I can build my discipline muscle by resisting my chocolate craving by 10 minutes.

In other words, if you practice changing one habit, it can carry over to changing another habit. This builds a base from which to make other changes. If you teach yourself to wait to eat the chocolate, you are teaching yourself to control an impulse.  If you keep this up, you build increased ability to resist the urge to do things the old way. You can start by pushing back against a small established habit.

  • Spend 5 minutes thinking about tomorrow’s projects
  • Resist checking emails or texts for a couple of minutes when you normally would
  • Stall for five minutes when you want a snack, coffee, cigarette or game of “Angry Birds”
  • Park slightly farther away in the lot
  • Take a different route to work
  • Brush your teeth with your opposite hand
  • Turn off the radio, music and TV and allow your world to be quiet for a few minutes while exercising, driving or walking

There are countless other possibilities; try ideas that feel interesting or of value. Just keep them small and easy to do. The idea is to practice light repetitions that require increased focus; don’t strain yourself.

If you want to increase performance on the job, in a sport, or in your personal life, we can help you stay on track.